Chronic illness slowly turns bizarre things into a routine. Like when I had a catheter and a kidney drain in for a month. I was walking about with a bag of piss strapped to my leg.

Yes it was warm.

During those four weeks I became weirdly strategic about outfits. Wide leg pants weren’t just a fashion choice, but they were a camouflage for my medical equipment. The catheter eventually became comfortable enough that I would forget I was wearing It, until I started to walk and felt the weight of a full bag sloshing around with every step.

I felt like I was hiding a secret. On the outside I looked like a healthy thirty-year-old going on date nights with her Fiancé, but underneath I had bags helping my body function.

Going through your own illness makes you realize how little we actually know about what other people are living through.

Everyone is carrying something.

Mine just happened to slosh when I walked.

One of the upsides to having a catheter is that you can aim your stream when emptying the bag.

I imagine that’s what having a dick feels like.

Just aim and shoot.

Another advantage is not having to find the bathroom constantly; this is especially beneficial on long car rides.

I got so used to it that one morning I stood up too quicky and forgot the bag was attached to my bed. Nothing humbles you faster than being yanked backward by your own urine.

My Fiancé got to play nurse during this time, he helped empty and change my bags while I was still healing form surgery.

Nothing says sexy like peeing for your Fiancé.

Love starts looking less glamorous during illness.

It looks like emptying bags, changing dressings, and pretending none of it is gross.

Later I asked him how he was able to do that without throwing up.

“The first time I emptied the drain I gagged”

By the end he was a pro and not even fazed.

Eventually we had a good rhythm going.

I used to think illness would always feel dramatic or tragic.

But eventually it becomes mundane.

The people who love you adapt.

You adapt.

And one day you realize you’re concealed carrying a bag of urine while deciding where to eat dinner.